Dressing well is an art, a science, and, in my case, a logistical nightmare.

While many concern themselves with the nuances of lapel width or pocket square etiquette, I face a more fundamental question:

How does one put on a sweater without becoming entangled in one’s own anatomy?

The answer, I have found, is a combination of patience, strategic arm positioning, and occasionally, a very expensive tailor who no longer asks questions.

Hats are, of course, out of the question.

Turtlenecks, once thought impossible, have been modified with hidden zippers.

Scarves? Only if I wish to simulate the feel of a noose.

Yet, despite these challenges, I persist—because a well-dressed gazelle does not compromise.

Instead, he adapts. He evolves.

And he avoids low-hanging chandeliers at all costs.